How do you find your mission/purpose in life? I can't seem to...

 

I'm almost 44 years old and at this age I can't say for sure that I've found my mission in life. I don't feel like I'm still aligned with what I came here to do, everything around me is still shrouded in fog. I've done for years what I was told was right, what I was forced to do, what I was told I had to do, that it was right to do...and today I've come to doubt that I've done what I came to do. I don't have activities that I'm passionate about and that make me feel like I'm making a difference. It's difficult to suddenly find yourself without a purpose. For years I learned to get accepted to a top high school with good grades, then get my high school diploma with good grades, then get into a top college with good grades, then find a job where I'm well paid, then climb higher and higher in my career...I did all of this and it didn't bring me any joy or fulfillment. My family supports me and is by my side, I am grateful, but I don't feel like I was born to be a mother and a wife and that's it. I have peace and quiet, I live life like a permanent vacation the way I thought I wanted it...and that doesn't fulfill me either. I live in the middle of nature and it's beautiful and quiet, but that's not enough either. "You've had too much of a good thing!" some would say...those who are still fighting for a good school, for a good job, for a house, a family or for peace and quiet...don't you see how much you have?

I see, but I don't feel fulfilled. Something is missing. I don't feel like I'm making a difference in this world...I feel like life is passing me by and I'm numb...between dirty dishes, between working in the garden, between earning money, between feeding the animals in the yard, planting tomatoes in the garden, teaching the child to speak English, etc. I'm not making any difference in this world.

I have been working with myself for years spiritually, to raise my vibration, to make peace with my family heritage, with childhood and family traumas, with the negative emotions accumulated or received... and it's still not enough.

I don't feel like I'm on my path, I'm not moving towards my mission and purpose. And that's because I don't know what these are. And I started searching, reading, answering this question. And the worst part, I, who consider myself a person who knows what he wants, with an obedient mind, capable of making correct decisions quickly... I am not able to answer most of the following questions. I have let myself be so caught up in the daily routine, in problems, in this world full of suffering that I no longer see my higher purpose. Here are the questions I found to answer in order to clarify my mission in life:

1. What are my values? / What do I hate the most?

A: truth, authenticity, integrity / lies, falsehood, manipulation, violence against the weak

2. Why do I care?

A: my family, my peace, time for myself

3. What do I like to do?

A: I used to like a lot, now a lot of things don't appeal to me anymore, e.g. gardening or writing stories for children

4. What people do I admire?

A: I couldn't find anyone to add here

5. What do I admire?

A: people who succeed without complaining, without victimizing themselves, who don't give up, who manage.

6. Activities that I really like, that I would do even without money and in which I get lost (i.e. I don't realize when the time passes)

A: ???

7. What do I look like at my best? What do I do? How/where am I?

A:???

8. What am I really good at?

A: organization, motivating people, explaining to others what I know

9. What would I change in the world if I had to leave something behind me? I don't feel like getting involved in humanitarian actions, nor helping animals, nor even forest planting actions attract me like they used to...so, I don't know...I don't feel like I would make any difference if I started feeding the poor or stray animals like others do. Am I insensitive? I don't know. I simply feel like I have to let everyone live their own epic here in this sad hologram...Where could I make a concrete difference? I don't know...

The sad thing is that I didn't answer most of them. I feel stuck.

A few years ago (in 2015) I founded a group in which we helped local producers in my area sell quality goods. People didn't really know how to appreciate local products back then. The group grew in my county to about 44,000 people. Hundreds of kilos of goods were sold and bought there every day. And I felt useful. Following the model of my group, other groups appeared in other counties. Now local products are appreciated and sought after. The group was closed following the complaint of a dissatisfied customer who also did not receive an order of raspberries. And it was good for me because my mission had ended there and I could not get rid of it. But the idea remained and other groups flourished. At that time I felt good, useful.

But it was a stage. What is my mission... I still don't know and it's frustrating. I will try to answer the questions above...

All the best,

Geo