August 17, 2024 - Inability to ask and receive

 

Two days ago, my husband and I were sitting on the bench behind the house and talking when our puppy Tina approached us, wagging her tail, she leaned her head towards his hand waiting to be petted. I watched with envy as he petted her and I didn't get anything. Yes, I know, how stupid, but that's exactly how I felt. And I realized again that I had to do something about my inability to ask. I can't ask for fear of being judged as weak, stupid, incompetent and unable to handle myself. Another trouble from my troubled childhood when I was "training" myself intensely to be a boy because that's what was wanted of me. Boys deserve it, boys bring luck to the house, boys are smart, capable and so on... and I thought sadly that a dog is more natural and capable than me to ask for and receive what it wants. I just sit and suffer in silence and I'm "proud" that I was raised to be strong and to always manage on my own. Shit! a French girl would say in my place...I'm still ashamed to ask and I should do something.

I've worked on these programs here before, but on a superficial level and obviously it was time to resume them.

I started to draw many more limitations related to the inability to ask and receive and here are the ones I came up with:

I know how to ask no

I know what to ask no

I know what it feels like and how it feels to ask no

I allow myself to ask no

Asking means being weak

Asking means you can't handle it

Asking means you are capable

Asking means you are no good at anything

Asking means you don't deserve it

If I ask, I'm incapable

If I ask, I'm a nobody

If I ask, I'm a jerk

If I ask, I'm incompetent

If I ask, I can handle it no

If I ask, I get no

If I ask, I get punished

Even if I ask, I still don't get anything

Even if I ask, no one notices me anyway

My requests have value no

My requests are heard no

My requests are listened no

My requests matter no

My wishes are listened no

My wishes matter no

My wishes have value no

Nobody cares about my requests and wishes

I matter no

My wishes matter no

My requests matter no

It matters what I ask for no

Someone listens to my requests no

Someone listens to my wishes no

Someone hears my requests no

Someone hears my wishes no

Someone fulfills my requests no

Someone fulfills my wishes no

The Creator listens to my requests and wishes no

The Creator hears my requests and wishes no

The Creator fulfills my requests and wishes no no

My requests and my wishes are in vain

My requests and my wishes are worthless

My requests and my wishes are useless

My requests and my wishes are echoless

My requests and my wishes are pointless

My requests and my wishes are unattainable

I know I am allowed to ask no

When I ask, something bad happens

If I ask, I always have to give something in return

If I ask, I always have to pay

If I ask, I always have to compensate

I am allowed to ask no

I am allowed to ask no

I have to ask permission to ask for something

I must be allowed to ask

I must ask permission to ask

If I ask, I will be strangled

If I ask, I will suffer

If I ask, I will receive a punishment

Dad tells me if I'm allowed to ask

Dad tells me if I'm allowed to receive

I can receive no

I allow myself to receive no

I know how to receive no

I am allowed to receive No

I know I can receive no

I have permission to receive no

Only my parents can allow me to receive

I can only receive if mom or dad gives me permission

If I receive, I will be punished

If I receive, I will get beaten

If I receive, I will suffer

If I receive, I will feel sorry

I am allowed to receive from strangers no

All strangers are dangerous

All strangers can hurt you

Strangers trick you

Strangers give you something to hurt you

You can take from strangers no

You can receive from strangers no

I can receive from strangers no

I am in danger if I receive from strangers

I can receive anything no

I must avoid receiving

I am safe if I receive no

I must avoid receiving

Receiving is dangerous

You can find the steps of a Theta meditation here (before listening to the recording it is necessary to enter the Theta state, the meditation is listened to with your eyes closed and the program changes are confirmed by "yes/accepting".