Today I participated in the first day of Dig Deeper with Georgeta Sultan. Since the last time at DNA Avansat, Georgeta was recommended by those who had worked with her as a "super-digger". Initially, I found the term funny...until I saw her in action. I'll tell you about the Dig Deeper course after it's finished (we still have one more day of course tomorrow), for now about the super session whose protagonist I was today. As I said before, Georgeta works a lot with each participant individually. Today she started with someone else...and during the session I kept thinking, what would I say if she chose me too...and nothing clear came to my mind. I just worked on so many assignments. It seemed to me that I had exhausted them all. The worst! If at first they seemed to spring from somewhere and never end, now I had exhausted them all. I was perfectly clean...in my mind...because Georgeta chose me. She has an extraordinary sense of choosing those who need work. And yes, somehow I felt that the other chosen ones also needed to work and find their balance, but not me. I was sure that it would be hard for her to find anything else in me. And she found...oh my, how much she found.
She asked me what I wanted to work on. I bathed her while thinking, I remembered the abandonment wound I had just worked on, then I took my heart in my teeth and at the risk of the world laughing at me, I told them that I wanted the creator to listen to me more when I needed to change the weather. Yes, smile! - I know it's funny :) The last rains and snows around Easter really upset me and I was disappointed that something like this could happen - because obviously the weather had not been normal and the events (rain, snow and excessive cold just when the trees were in bloom) were clearly caused. It is true that I asked the creator first to give us rain - and he did...only then he gave us 3 more days of snow and the snow in our yard reached 50 cm. I asked the creator to give us sun and protect our blooming trees - and yes, the trees were protected because with snow on them, my apricots have fruit. And now we also have sun...and the ponds are full of about 17 cubic meters of water after the terrible drought last summer.
However, I asked if something can be done about the weather, with our abilities to change it. Georgeta didn't laugh at me as I expected and seriously asked me why I think it's necessary to learn to change the weather. I said that I need the plants in the garden to grow...so that I have something to eat. The light bulb went on!!! I don't want to manipulate the weather for personal pride but out of fear of starving.
Georgeta asked me if I have any liver patients in my family - because the fear of starving generates this disease. Ding, ding, ding!!! I have a lot - father, grandmother (his mother), an uncle, an aunt, his wife (although she is not from our family, she was probably attracted to him for some reason), another uncle with liver problems and diabetes... about three of them, including my grandmother who died of cirrhosis... another grandfather of my mother's was a former prisoner of war who couldn't stand having the fridge empty, grandparents who went through famine, grandfather often told stories about the time when he walked around the city asking everyone he knew for a few kilos of corn, even though they lived in the country... mother, how much fear of dying of hunger I have collected, from all the family, from both branches. And the fact that I have always been above normal weight... and my father the same... and his mother... all explained by the fact that we have collected kilos as a reserve so that we don't starve... may it be there.
And the fact that I am always tireless, always looking for new projects, I always feel guilty that I don't work enough, that others work maybe more and I try to keep up, to be better and better, more efficient... I juggle working in the garden, with freelancing, with projects and passive income sources, with raising children, with taking care of the family, the house, the animals in the yard, with the desire to always learn and improve myself... to earn even better, and more... all further proof of the fact that I am afraid of starving... I work and collect non-stop so that I don't get there... plus the 4x4x2 m cellar that is always full - as soon as it empties a little I panic. I considered my main responsibility to be to feed my family - and we don't eat like desperate people, but I collect so that I don't lack... out of fear...
Today all these fears that I had there well hidden were brought to light. And it was all so obvious! Right under my nose...and I didn't catch it. And I talked to my father this afternoon, after class. He's had this fear all his life too. He worked in the army and was always drawn to the food department, at home we always had reserves, and they have a full cellar in the country and my mother cooks whole pots of food every week... so that the refrigerator is always full. He can't stand to throw away food, sometimes my mother secretly throws away something that has spoiled.
Today my fear of starving to death was cured...and with me at once the fear of starving to death from my people. I sighed deeply and felt a great burden lifted from me. I now feel that I have even more energy, and more zest for life, and more joy in living and enjoying this world. That is what Theta has been doing for me more and more every day since February...
Thank you, Georgeta...and Vianna...and All-Creator!
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