February 15, 2023 - Depression, List of Faulty Materializations

 

I work:

I feel helpless

I'm afraid I'll be alone

I'm afraid of loneliness

The troubled state I'm in makes me make a list of all the things I've materialized in my life that are obviously like this because of blockages and preconceptions:

1. I don't earn as much as I want, I can't buy everything I want, when I want - here I have blockages with the cart, I'll leave it for later for now

2. I'm home alone for a long time - my husband often goes on trips, just like my grandfather did. I identify and work on the program "Men can earn money without leaving home". Coincidence or not, my husband's stomach is really swollen and I'm home almost all week, except for 3 hours in the city. It's not what I wanted, I hope I didn't "disorder" him, but since he has free will, I don't think I could influence him to that extent. He is with me at home...and he earns money from home too...although the result doesn't seem ideal to me

3. I am suffocated by the animals in the yard - we have 5 dogs and 9 cats. The cats are always at the door, meowing, climbing on the muddy windows, on the outdoor table that is full of mud, they do their business on the porch where we have stone on the floor and it is not closed with a door. I sometimes get depressed because of them. I want a clean, well-kept place, where it smells nice, the dirt accumulates everywhere. My husband started to make a door to the porch, but he had to go away again on business and only the assembled skeleton remained.

I work the programs:

I deserve to live in a clean, beautiful, well-kept, comfortable place where I feel good.

I deserve to have space for myself, a space where I feel good, where I can breathe freely.

The result: February 18, 2023 the door is ready, I can finally clean the porch. I admire the place with love and cook on the table that has been cleaned of mud and cat hair. I no longer feel suffocated. The porch door keeps them out for good.

4. The houses and the place where I live are ugly, unkempt

5. I am unkempt, dirty (we don't have a bathroom and running water and I miss the comfort and shower that I had in the city). It all comes from the fact that sometimes I am too tired to prepare my bathroom, although I have decent conditions for bathing. It just needs to be heated and the water brought. But when you are in a bad mood, everything goes to waste.

I think about why I am like this - because I consider that I don't deserve to make too much effort for myself. I have to work on my programs. Until then, a warm bath makes me feel better.

6. My body is ugly, deformed, saggy breasts, ugly, sparse, dry, shapeless hair

I am working on the programs on February 17:

I have beautiful, thick, healthy hair

I have a beautiful body

I have beautiful breasts

I have a flat and beautiful stomach

I am beautiful and deserve to be loved

Results - I am not physically beautiful yet, but at least I don't care so much anymore. I am OK with it. Probably, additional sessions or a deeper digging of the programs are required. The fact that I have extra kg may show the desire to protect myself from trauma. In the past, beautiful women were kidnapped and suffered. It is possible that I have some program at the genetic level. I will see later. Money is my priority...