My grandparents were special people, I grew up in a clean and loving environment, but...
- my grandfather was at work in the city and my grandmother stayed at home alone all week, she took care of all the problems by herself. I learned that husbands have to go out to make money...this haunts me to this day as my husband does that too. And I hate that...but, it's one of my blocks that affects my ability to manifest what I want. Other than that, I have a great family and a loving husband. In the family chapter, I got what I wanted. I have a wonderful family, we are in peace and harmony. I feel loved and appreciated at home by my boys. Things have changed a bit over the past few years for my husband at work, he can work from home part of the week so I'm doing better with my blockage but it's still there.
- my grandmother was very religious... many blocks for me there, especially that it is a sin to be rich. I will mention them later in other posts.
- at 4 years old I was brought back to the city and had to go to kindergarten. Tough environment with many changes for me and many new people who obviously did not love me. I was forced to sleep at lunchtime, I couldn't, so I had to stay under the sheet because I was afraid of the teachers. They had some long, thick sticks that I still remember. I remember the white sheets and actually sweating under them... and I couldn't breathe. I still have trouble breathing at night - I constantly have to open the door and windows to let air in, even in the winter. As I sit in bed, I breathe harder, my nostrils get blocked, I don't know...
- then school... 18 long years... all my childhood I was pressured and beaten to learn well... not just well, to always be the best, to be a prize winner. I had colleagues in the class who were the children of my father's colleagues and the competition was very high. I was scolded for grades lower than 10 (A+) and I got beaten for any grade from 7 (C) below. Once I stayed with a colleague for an hour near my apartment because I had gotten a 7 and I was afraid to go home. I was always pressured to be even better, to get even higher grades, every hundredth mattered, I was always compared with the others in my elite class, I was always pressured to participate in competitions because, I was told, only graduating from some schools of the elite leads to getting serious management jobs that would have made my parents proud. And only these jobs could help me earn a lot of money and live well.
- and I learned, for years, I didn't have a social life, I wasn't allowed to go out with boys, not that I had any, I was considered a weird nerd and that was it. I didn't like many subjects in school, but I learned out of necessity, out of fear of being beaten, then out of habit. After 18 years of school, my brain was tired and my visual skills were very low. It took me years to recover and many guided meditations helped me.
- since I was little I was forced to eat everything from the plate. Even in high school I was not allowed to leave the house in the morning without an empty plate. Sometimes I would take a slice of pâté or jam with me to eat on the way to leave the plate empty. At the same time, my mother always told me that I was fat, that I needed to lose weight. I went with her to buy clothes and I always ended up in those stores where some saleswoman felt the need to remind me that they didn't have clothes in my size. And no, I was not excessively fat, don't imagine, I was normal, only that the bigger bottom compared to the smaller waist made it difficult for me to find pants and skirts. I was not fat, I was not obese, I was normal.
- my mother always wanted me to be very elegant, to always dress in fashion, to be beautiful. This desire hid many of her traumas and lessons learned in relation to men who only love beautiful, well-groomed and elegant women. I wasn't like that, I wasn't attracted to very elegant clothes, it seemed to me (and still seems to me) a waste of time to always sit and arrange myself. And best of all, my husband appreciates beauty and elegance, but he never pressures me and loves me as I am. He is not excessively arranged and elegant either. We feel very good together, as we are. I never felt any pressure from him and he always appreciated me for me, I always felt at ease with him, we are soul mates (when we met for the first time we both felt that we had known each other for a long time before). The constant pressure and criticism of my mother about the way I look combined with those of my father about my school performance led to a very low self-esteem. I know I'm an intelligent person, I rarely disappointed them academically speaking, I graduated from elite schools, I got the job of corporate manager they wanted for me, but my self-esteem is very low. Even at this age.
- I see my body as ugly despite what my husband constantly tells me. He sees me as beautiful. And he sees himself as ugly and I see him as beautiful. After the pregnancy and the baby, my body got even worse. I avoid looking in the mirror too much. I'm not overweight, I didn't put on any extra weight after pregnancy, but I always see myself ugly, unkempt, with an ugly belly and dry hair, rare and sad. My only qualities that I recognize are intelligence, organization, prioritization, the ability to make decisions quickly, to make things work, creativity, the ability to always put new projects in motion, the ability to be a leader. I have a lot of energy and I do a lot. But I avoid the mirror.
- I have been working full time since college. I worked from 7.30 to 15.30 then from 16.00 to 21.00 I was at the university. By the time I finished college, I was already a human resources specialist with a year and a half of experience. I was poorly paid, but I worked with good people who respected my work. For 10 years, I changed better and better jobs in the same field, more responsibilities, more to learn, but with pay below the level I felt I would have liked to be at.
- my biggest obstacle is money. Yes, the body would be nice to look good too, but I don't care about it too much. It's like a flannel sweater that keeps you warm. It's not nice, you don't go to a fancy party with it, but it keeps you warm when you need it. So is my body. It's ugly, but it helps me do things. It helps me to move, to solve things. Before our son came, I was a corporate manager. Although I worked a lot, I had great responsibilities, I was always that unproductive department that always had to be behind when salary increases were made. I had a good salary, but always below the level at which I would have liked to be paid.
- the disaster came when I decided to stay at home with the child and quit my job. I saw what it means to have an empty card and ask your husband for money for any small thing you need. And I could have worked from home, I had jobs and projects, but I couldn't because of the little one. I had become a wreck, unwashed, uncombed, sad, depressed, among piles of dirty diapers, without money... but with a college and master's degree, with a mind full of projects, but tied hands and feet and with a rock around my neck. That's how I felt...
- now our son is already grown up, he is an extraordinary child, he learns extraordinarily fast, we work together, we understand each other differently, he lets me work, he also sits next to me and learns everything he sees...but since I gave up that serious job, the money comes hard, in trances, as if it came through a hose clogged with ice plugs. I earn even better than before as a corporate manager, but sometimes I earn a lot, sometimes not at all and I never have all the money I want when I want it. A lot of blockages here, many, many things... this is where I will start working with theta healing. I have many sources of income, passive about 15, I'm not exaggerating, they are all set up well, I spent a lot of time and learned a lot by myself to set them all up, but they all go hard, in episodes, with blockages, just like a hose with ice pieces inside...
I think I have told you enough. I will write further what I tried in the last years, before Theta Healing and how everything went.
Have a nice day and all the best,
Geo
